and bit by bit
I was disappearing
soon I would not bear
to look at myself in the mirror
Why was I even here?
life flew around me
like I was on a merry-go-round
but my eyes were covered and I bunkered down
and it kept being pushed faster and faster
so many stops and the sun would come out
moments of pure joy would rain around me
at times friends would enter my life and join me
and then most assuredly move on
my hands were out and I was dancing, then
and at the end I was left dancing alone
I had not wanted this
but it was mine all the same
so I backed into a corner
and let my conflicting feelings fade
so if you ask if it was my fault
I would say yes, in part
because I did not advocate for myself
I hid my heartache in the dark
since I was a baby
until a young girl, and then a woman
I did not know how to make anyone
treat me better
least of all the men
I was embarrassed
I was in patient disbelief
but mostly I thought I deserved
all of my grief
otherwise, why did it live with me?
years this held me
and inside my body protested
suppression never did anyone good
so here blew in depression
and other ways the body screams
when it's yelling inside "no!"
and you are dragging it around
to perform it all because it has to be so
and because you did actually walk into this
there was nowhere else to go
ah, I was a child
and I did not know anyone or anything
that I could trust to hear
the way my soul was aching
I thought I am the girl
who finds safety in solitude
because nothing can be relied upon
for the actual follow-through
Dear girl, you did not know.
that life could be blissful,
carefree, and even continuously safe
and I'm here to hold your hand
until you understand
It does not have to be this way
We take this day by day.
We don't assume others can be
what we need them to be,
but I will always be here for you.
I will always stay.
And the joyful heart you've always had
deep inside that loves to sing,
and dance, and create
and most of all loves to pour her
heart into everything...
that is what we will cultivate
and it has been a long time coming.
- Les'Nspired
