nonchalance

sometimes they will say what 
they’ve been holding back
and look at me with a slight smile
and the cursed words pour out,
“it’s not that deep”

flying by

time is flying by 

and i can’t hold on to it 

no matter how hard i try 

i can’t hold on to it 

always learning

I know what I need

I know the gentle care

And if I do not find that here

maybe it waits for me there...

at the edge of the water 

my feet in the sand 

perhaps this indefatigable core need 

will lie in my own hand 

Archeologist

it’s the mutual curiosity

in the same explorative way

the patiently slow digging together

for treasures that lie within the clay 

that's what I'm chasing

that's where I go 

and when someone asks 

in the interest of learning you

you'll understand what they meant

when your friends said "you are worth it, too"

intrusive

there is an innate sense of wonder

buried within the core of my bones

that wants to know, yes, wants to know

the truths that hum beneath your skin

the fears that you fight to not let in

the values that build yourself within

the bleeding half you work to pretend

does not exist, or force you to bend

arrival

I close my eyes 

and I am there

love is felt

everywhere

look away

please, don't look at me

my sadness may drive you away

it may darken the skies

and cause the thunder to rumble 

and I know that sunshine is nicer to feel

please, don't see me

my insides are rotting away

they may plague those around

and cause sighs to sound

and I know that the surface is easier to heal

little sparrow

I see you, little sparrow

with the wind tossing your feathers about

You are not worried

You are not without 

The rain is pouring

and you are observing

You're tiny chest moving in and out

It is in the steady rhythm, 

the consistent heartbeat of:

I need not worry

I am not without

trepidation

If it's all over

is it the beginning? 

And who will be there

in the aftermath?

It's a silent place already

filled with trepidation

And in the change of everything

will there be a window with a candle burning?

expensive

i’ve emptied my pockets of every last dime 

my actions wreaking havoc all of the time

every step i took i look back with dry amusement 

how pathetic is a person whose feedback is only disappointment?

most of the time

most of the time i carry it 

my love for others 

and their goodness towards me 

i let it permeate until i am drenched 

with gratitude 

and at other times 

other times 

i want to give up 

it may seem small

it may seem small

to not matter at all

but it means a lot 

perhaps you were shut down

ignored and forgotten about

so now you think you don't count

but it's important

you make all the difference

you are more important than you think

reasons

bless my heart 

i meant well 

but i might have learned some things

even before i could tell 

watched a person shift 

from loving to mean 

like i snapped my fingers 

like a fast-cutting movie scene 

diving

he said let me show you 

what hope looks like 

it’s kind of scary like 

stepping to the edge

of the deep end like

jumping off a diving board 

and getting all wet like

letting all the air out 

and sinking until your toes touch the bottom like

bending your knees 

and propelling yourself up again like

holding that one last ounce of breath

and you break right through the surface 

gulping for air at just the right time like 

it’s all you need in this life

less

She has long hair and dimples 

and an easy smile

She is quite young, still

and loves innocently and true

And she now carries something precious 

posting about carriers, and bonnets, and

a life I would know little about

It is ironic where the road ends and paths separate

It is interesting how time falls at certain strange and 

exact moments

when it's realized

Will I be able to watch it go down

the fears walking in flesh and bone?

Like mangled branches and roots touching

like blushed pink clouds but not for me

I will feel forgotten above this ground

I will be lost at sea

Let my body disappear, fading into the background

Let the turbulent waves swallow me 

reserved

I am not so bold

as to lay it all on the table

I have a semblance of hesitation

for what rejection might feel like

I hold some things back

while appearing to let it all go

No, this is not the whole of the matter

This is not all of me, no

going back to sleep

my heart is waking with the sun 

i’m smiling with eyes closed

am i still dreaming?

the person in the mirror

how to love myself

without expecting perfection?

look in the mirror and accept

I am doing the best that I can

and what is enough for my God above

should be good enough for me to be

I will not save everyone nor 

every person will I please 

how to

how to love her?

oh that is a task

work you've not done before

or would ever attempt to ask

she will require much

of what turns you inside out

what strips you bare of the walls

you thought armored your heart

alright

sit with it a bit

if you need to

the idea of it all going just right

it may take some work

to accept that sometimes

it ends with a hand in yours

and feeling that it's all going to be alright

a puppies' eyes who have not seen me yet

will learn to follow my footsteps

soon after being placed in my arms for the first time

and he's unnamed and still untamed

and yet I know he will let me 

take care of him and call him mine

beautiful days

let that gratitude come

and fill us up

our mind is taking hold

of the outpouring of love

beautiful days

full of moments and connections

kind notes, warm coffee, shared stories and lives

an overflow of reaches

like love letters and hugs from our Father

let's appreciate every moment that passes us by!

on worth and nostalgia

All that is wonderful in this life

can be found in the gentleness of a pair of eyes

Deep within the confounds of the soul

are the words pleading for love to hold

And the chest races with approaching unease

to be weighed and measured and found unworthy

of all the merriment that once came tumbling down

like a downpour of rain in a blink of a moment

alignment

i’m looking at her 

her eyes are beautiful 

i know how they draw one

for their shine 

her heart is loving 

and makes you smile 

and best of all,

she’s kind

one day at a time

i am inhaling glowing love 

into my heart 

and exhaling back out 

to you

may it find you well 

and smiling 

and may it bring comfort 

if you are sad 

the little things

Everything hinges on

Changing things

Variables tossed into the air

to fall as the wind blows

And I am in control

of so little

I can only carry so much

and all that I know 

becomes muddled when

I am pulled and pushed

and made to wonder

at so little

solo

it’s in the air 

it’s in the being 

our very reason

as simple as breathing 

so, we grasp for distraction

and stimulation like a fever 

to fill the void 

to try and avoid 

the gaping hole in the ether

…

trying not to listen

drown it out with any noise around  

but it is the brightest 

most achingly beautiful sound 

it demands silence 

for an audience of me

a solo rings out in want of 

its harmony 

- les’nspired 

(excerpt from a poem written February 12, 2022)

the gift of time

come. 

there’s a quiet corner 

where a fire crackles low 

there are seats waiting 

with our own cozy blankets 

and outside, the snow— 

we’ll watch it all from a window 

same sky

I look out at the sunset

the lines running across the sky

I close my eyes

I sigh

I think my God for reminders

how many sunsets have I seen in this place?

some with tears, and others with a smile on my face

and still the sun set

the day ended

and a new day began

slipping

there is beauty in the world 

when you know you have a good friend 

but “there is nothing more terrifying than kindness 

that you believe may come to an end”

anxiety repair

anxiety can come to rock you

deep in your chest

with "what if.. and what if just..."

What if no!

and What if yes?!

you want it clear like black and white

you want it paved and "there you are"

it can feel like a balance beam

when the places to go seem so far

pink

I will not always come dressed as your favorite shade of pink

nor will every day I only speak like the world is sunny

Even when many times I will express how it really can be

I will not talk only of the things that on the surface are shiny

I will dig inside and find the raw truth and bring it close to me

Examine it, consider what it looks like privately,

learn of it, and marvel at that too, 

then wonder about how we can set it free

while believing there is hope for more than just 

what it claims to be

and then I might express it so that it lives vibrantly

You are enough

I will bring my hands to your cheeks

and draw you close to me

Look into your eyes and firmly say

"You are enough, you are more than enough

You are gentle, kind, loving

and it carries weight to be."

hands

I dreamt of hands soothing me, 

and it was the most wonderful feeling—

and I knew this was exactly everything 

I could ever need 

Les’Nspired