Writing Practice: Visiting with Mom

My mother’s house is by the railroad tracks and every night the rumble and horn of the train would jerk me awake. The conductor would just lay on that horn as if he was recovering from a PTSD experience. As if he’s saying, “I know you better not be out there this time!” and just incase, he does it again!

My mom doesn’t even hear it anymore. This astounds me even though I know it happens. We get used to things. Even things blaring and loud and staring us in the face. Like friendship. Like love. Like meanness and conditioning. The list is endless. 

congratulations, you’re a man

ah some men…

they will sit down 

and discuss 

and tear down sacred 

things in a woman’s heart 

to preserve their pride

that’s it.

i am no one’s problem. 

i am in the care 

of my Father. 

Period. 

-aq

ease

We will lay our heads 

upon pillows of peace

and the restless heart full 

of grief  

will cease to be 

for we will live  

in complete ease

sideshow

how they must have laughed

when they saw her 

emptying herself 

out of kindness within 

the chaos of a show  

maybe they clapped 

thinking the performance was 

top notch and that maybe she 

would take her bow early 

how embarrassing

i never meant to

be the burden 

and yet 

i was, wasn’t i?

what matters

what is wrong?

take the slowest of breathes 

and only get through today 

you belong 

to every moment you give

of yourself for good 

don’t let anyone 

convince you of why 

you do what you do

or exactly who you are 

🎼Now Playing: have mercy ♬

woman 

have mercy 

your words have a kind of touch 

my mind is reeling

my heart is feeling 

and you just sighed 

looking directly into my eyes 

please, don’t cry 

(chorus)

asked me for attention  

well, i’ll give it to ya 

call me when you’re worried 

i’ll listen to ya 

mixed up

it’s scary isn’t it? 

to tread the unknown 

and to pray it ends well 

to believe in a person,

realize you have no control,

and only that they mean well 

lonely heart

Lonely heart,

I ask of you 

to give it 

one more try,

I know the passing of trials  

can seem endless  

But they do all end

in good time

lost

where is it?

I keep looking for it 

but i’m unable to find it. 

It was here in my pocket 

once

I thought…

I’ve looked high and low 

inside and out 

I’ve tossed imagination 

with fact 

and chose not to react 

with anything but the truth 

Refuge

It was a refuge 

Secured and built 

For the likes of me 

It’s walls were strong

The landing was soft 

And the space was comforting 

you

you were sad most of the time  
because you felt most alone 
when life required so much strength,
you didn’t always know if you had it in you 
to meet the needs and expectations 
of everything 

gifts

how do you thank a person 

that may have saved your life?

there is never enough to say 

it will never suffice 

sisters

oh sweetness 

there they are!

the sisters of my life 

the friends of my heart!

stinger

it is the quick sting
of a scorpion 
and the poison seeped through 

on such a high 

felt like a lie

now this is what they always do 

life

ask me what it feels like 

and i’ll tell you i don’t know 

it takes a certain somewhere 

that i just didn’t get to go 

and this is why you never judge

what you can’t perceive 

for myself, i would have laughed 

in utter disbelief 

little to say

everything to say 

with nothing to say 

i’ll just close my eyes 

and wish myself away 

something to say 

but i guess it could wait 

i’ll just pack my bags 

and go away 

sweet cloudy days

it is a dark and cloudy mood  

perfect for staying in

but first let’s go grab some mini donuts 

and something warm to drink 

bring it home to our little fire 

play a puzzle

watch a movie 

sing a little 

karaoke 

that would be alright with me 

oh that sounds good to me 

the fight for joy

worked so hard

lifted me up

invested and prayed

filled my cup

overflowing with happy

and generous love

what are we building?

he closes a window

i close the door 

he lays a brick 

i’ve already laid more 

the city

escaping out to walk between buildings

and a section of grass and trees

counting my steps with my headphones in

there is no one to greet

hundreds of faces pass me by

and my world is still my own

a strange way, a strange day

and nothing I've ever known

first snow

inches of snow blanket the ground

roots lie buried with all their hidden needs

softly covered are all the leaves

they have lived, and fallen, and now they sleep

and the trees?

oh, the trees...

stripped bare and exposed

like a poet's honest prose

giving no excuses

as their branches bleed

The art of ignoring

he's mastered the art of ignoring

and you are still learning

how to cope without

take a deep breath.

in with what holds you

(the good, the birds, the sunshine)

out with what lets you go

(averted gazes and all the silence)

trying to find, change, or grasp

is only taking a toll

so, even if they are right there

and choose to act unaware

you. are. still. whole.

My love, you are still whole.

sensitive

One thing is for sure

No matter where I go

The ground I walk

Or the spaces I know

I will always notice the details

even in seemingly simple things,

I will always look up

at the clouds and how they flow,

At my God 

and how I grow

The world around me

fast and slow, and in between

Writing Practice 7: "Before You Go"

Before you go, 

let me come close

to embrace your life. 

Let me give you kisses of parting- 

 One for your hands consistently open

and working for others

 One for your cheek where the dimple lies

with your good cheer.

Mining 𖢻✧˖°.

Standing upon the ground

uneven and barren

The wind is dry

and my throat is parched

My hair whips around my face

stinging and sharp

The reminders of days past

leaving their mark

Filters

We act with kindness

it's our

automatic instinct

You won't know how we are thinking

because nice is the downshift

something like it

your eyes 

that time when they looked at me 

with something less simple 

your lips 

when you bit them listening to

the words i didn’t have to say 

stars at night 💫 ✨

i have become so small in their eyes

i could be the golden sunrise

and they would only turn away

and mistake me for dark and gloom;

and i walk every day

wanting no longer to have to prove

that i am a friend worth keeping

close to you

care

care 

don’t lose yourself 

trying not to mean something 

because you mean something

you are special 

you matter 

bittersweet

i look at you

my lips full of bitter fruit 

but your eyes do not want to know 

they say “spare me”

so i do 

25 hugs 4U

25 hugs

in case you forgot

just what being loved

feels like

25 hugs

25 hugs

incase i forgot

just what being loved

feels like