most of the time
it feels as if people only placate her
listening to the girl
making all the noise
while she laughs too hard
talks too fast
letting words fall out
like marbles on tile
but she is only speaking
what is at the forefront of her mind
never what is within
and the person that you hear
is not who she is
it is the surface, the mask
that gets her through the day
filtering her feelings
curbing her thoughts
so that you get the person
she thinks will offend you less
that bid for connection
and then, the shame
so much energy is used
to become more palpable
and yet to always feel
she has failed because
no one knows her
the real her
layers deep
the one that needs concern and interest
to be asked how she feels
enough times
until she is revealed
over time
the layers peeling back gently
she is wound tight
because it is safest
does it make her too anxious
for certain people?
to the ones she loves the best?
because she will draw them in and cling
consuming them whole
not wanting to let go
until she is forced to
forced to,
breaking her own heart
she cannot hold anyone that close again
she being inside a closet
peering out of the cracks in the door
wondering if people actually live a life
fully themselves, fully alive
when people pass her
some seem to notice
some fool her so very well
as if they are experts at the push and pull
and of feigned interest
and then they are gone again
just as fast
like love-bombing
then, disappearing
she is nothing special
she is nothing
she is
she's not
she
-lesnspired
Written: July 18, 2022
